


Touch

by ALiteraryLady



Category: This Is Us (TV)
Genre: Death, Family, Father and Son Relationship, Fics with song lyrics, Hospitals, Loss, Other, Trigger warning: Death and loss, recollections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 05:47:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9370826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALiteraryLady/pseuds/ALiteraryLady
Summary: In William's reflection on his life, his inner beauty plays out before him one final time and he's granted an insight into his existence.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Indiprincess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indiprincess/gifts).



> The song lyrics are from Daft Punk's "Touch", they are in this work as the bolded lines. I heard this song a while back and felt compelled to write something about William's last day on earth, mainly because the song alludes to the beauty of touch and how it permits people to recall elements and memories of their time on earth. 
> 
> This just came to me, and I hope you all enjoy it. Please leave a like or a comment, I just ask that comments are respectful. Thank you!

 

 

Stopping the chemo was the easy part, yet, the expression on his son's face after revealing his desire to be free of the drugs, that was hell. Those brown eyes, deeper, richer like his mother's the wet heavy tears that clung to them, William had to look away, yet Randall, the son, no—his son took his hand.

 

“I'll accept that pain for you.”

_You did so well with him, Rebecca..._

 

 

It only took a few days before he was hospitalized. Guilt swept over him as his thin, frail frame laid still in the bed.

 

_Itchy white sheets..._

Beth and Randal hunkered down on the small sofa in the suite; naturally, Randall had top notch health insurance, therefore allowing him a better place for his final days. Final days...how creepy, how invasive it sounded to him. William glanced over at them and let a smile come to his face.

 

_You'll survive all that will be thrown at you. I know I did._

 

He closed his eyes.

 

**Touch, I remember touch**

**Pictures came with touch**

**A painter in my mind**

**Tell me what you see...**

 

A sea of moments paraded in his psyche; colors of each decade splashed about, the burnt browns, rustic shades of the sixties and seventies, deep jewel tones and gentle pastels of the eighties and the harsh, demanding primary colors of the nineties to now. Each one welcomed a decade of his life in full technicolor view and the painter showed him all of his moments.

 

**A tourist in a dream**

**A visitor it seems**

 

 

_Those train rides with her, going from one to the next, the lovers, the cheap cigarettes, oh I still taste them. Sulfate-rich wine from the gas stations, rationing off my lunch for her dinner. She was stunning and fed my soul_

 

**A half-forgotten song**

**Where do I belong?**

 

Eventually, the bus hopping was no longer amusing, she was pregnant, Randall's mother was pregnant and she was struggling. William found a small place and she gave birth, yet the responsibilities of child rearing were not for them. Discarding his son at a fire station was the low point of his entire existence.

 

**Tell me what you see**

**I need something more**

 

_ You wanna blame her, but when you look at the standard you're told you must have to be in your child's life, I wasn't anywhere close to being what he needed. _

 

His tears grew cold from the hospital's chilly air. Once again the anguish of being denied his child, his future, racked his slight frame. William left the hurt and suffering behind as he found the physical and sexual healing only Marvin Gaye at that point had mentioned in his songs.

**Kiss, suddenly alive**

**Happiness arrive**

**Hunger like a storm**

**How do I begin?**

 

_ Each of my lovers gave me their energy and time. Some gave more than that, I'm sure of it, others were fleeting physical experiences, yet, whoever they were, they needed the physical roughness, the mangled, passionate act of sex too. It never mattered their gender, as long as the exchange was fair, even, the hunger like all storms faded into nothingness. _

 

**A room within a room**

**A door behind a door**

**Touch where do you lead**

**I need something more**

 

Pieces of his loves sprinkled across his mind as he got up to answer the knock on the door. The younger, darker skinned man looked at him, yet William saw the softened corners of his eyes. Their exchange was short; here was the son he'd left behind decades ago. Strong, assertive, yet so alone in his identity.

 

**Tell me what you see**

**I need something more**

 

_ That kind nature, that willingness to help with full resources, Randall Pearson you are my son. No matter how much I pushed back, you stubborn fool you should be-- _

 

William wheezed and reached for his chest, another fit of coughing caught him as he struggled to regain his breath.

 

**Home**

**Hold on**

**If love is the answer you're home**

 

Jesse's smiling face, early in the morning. Flecks of dust caught the morning light and danced over his lover's pale skin. Ruffled hair; dirty brown strands lay as a fringe over his own eyes.

 

 

**Home**

**Hold on**

**If love is the answer you're home**

 

Randall's voice echoed as William heard him calling out for a doctor. The wheezing and coughing grew louder in his ears.

 

**Home**

**Hold on**

**If love is the answer you're home**

 

Kate and Kevin, two white siblings his son loved, glanced at his frame as doctors rushed to his side. One brown set, one blue, both struck with terror and uncertainty.

 

**Home**

**Hold on**

**If love is the answer you're home**

 

The  phlegm in his mouth tasted metallic, his white sheets were painted with a red, orangish spray of  phlegm that was his. He knew this was bad.

 

**Home**

**Hold on**

**If love is the answer you're home**

 

Smelling the static, heavy hospital air was arduous; each breath was further from his grasp as the last. Recalling his senses was challenging, every sense felt so far away.

 

**Home**

**Hold on**

**If love is the answer you're home**

 

“We need to have you all clear the room!” the doctor's order slurred in his ears as the exchange of voices was too difficult to keep pace with. He could hear the silence better, the muted sound of Randall protesting and remaining by his side. The others left the room.

 

**Home**

**Hold on**

**If love is the answer you're home**

 

Randal's devastation was hard to look back at, but a breathing tube parted his nostrils, but still the air didn't rush in. William's chest seized and he felt his heart beat one more time.

 

**Home**

**Hold on**

**If love is the answer you're home**

 

“He's going into cardiac arrest--”

“--can't you?!”

Beeping machines sounded slower and the darkness blocked his view.

“I'm so sorry.”

“No! No, no, no!”

 

**Touch, sweet touch**

**You've given me too much to feel**

**You've almost convinced me I'm real**

 

_ I love you, Randall. _

 

**I need something more**

 

His son's hand cupped his cheek one final time. His skin felt the warmth for an instant

 

**I need something more**

 

_ Touch... _


End file.
